Young Mulbert and The Astronomical Phone Bill (USA Day 140)

Only one of this human figures is alive. Which?

You could see the bank of fog from Don and Mary’s road, but we didn’t hit it until eight miles later, having descended into the valley and cycled south to Guadalupe. The transition was sudden. One second, we could see for miles, all the way across the cabbage fields to the far arid hills on all sides. The next, a white blanket covered everything from ten feet away. A stationary train to our left was ghostly and ominous. I stared at a motionless mariachi band for a solid twenty seconds before realising that they were models. A woman and her dog were equally baffled, but after a good sniff they came to the same conclusion.

Lights blinking furiously, high-vis jackets on, we pedalled as visibly as possible through the fog, and emerged the other side still in one piece. After a standing snack under the shade of a gnarled tree, and a quick chat with our good friend Rupert who’s caught up with us after a road-trip to Yosemite, we continued over a sharp and winding hill to Lompoc, our quick progress marred only by another rear-wheel puncture for Amy thanks to a goat head which had probably been hiding in the tyre since this morning.

Ooh, tough category. Actually… Aluminium scraps. Bolts. Corrugated Iron. D…drillbits? This one’s fun!

Halfway around the WalMart, with a burgeoning basket of groceries, I noticed that my month’s Vodafone bill had come to a nice and affordable £910.50, and had a proper freak-out amongst the Gatorades. Somehow, I managed to extract myself from the store with the necessary victuals, having paid and everything, where I sort of collapsed onto the ground by my bike and tried to fix it. To ensure I couldn’t Vodafone had also cut my service, so I was left gibbering and cursing as I stomped around the parking lot, searching for cell service, wondering what life would be like without my favourite £910.50 that I keep by my bedside.

I’ll cut this short: we found free WiFi, spoke to Rishikesh and got it sorted. Their mistake. Something’s gone wrong with a number of travellers. Sure enough, I checked Twitter to find hundreds of angry holidaymakers all with absurd phone bills: £1250, £1938, 3000…mine wasn’t even close to the worst. Nine hours later, my service still isn’t back and working. Did they let a chimpanzee into the control room or something? It’s very unfortunate that the group of people affected are those in the least good position to actually fix it.

I tried really hard to not let a single anxious period ruin my day, and on the whole it didn’t. We cycled up the second large hill of the day without any dramas, then descended the other side to come across the Pacific again, this time as part of a bay that will curve to meet Los Angeles. Our destination was Refugio Beach, where we watched dolphins breach the waves in front of a moody sunset, with three glinting oil platforms hovering on the horizon like invading ships.

A young gull, Mulbert, joined us for dinner. He stood very close, wondering quietly when he’d get his ham and coleslaw roll. Occasionally he’d wonder a little too closely, and would need reminding of his role as feral gull and not picnicking human. We left Mulbert on the beach, where hopefully he found some tasty crumbs or a crab or something. I’d hate to see such a polite young gull going without his dinner.

Today: 70 Miles

Total: 6084 Miles